In a stunning decision that some citizens are calling “unpatriotic”, Colorado’s state School Board voted yesterday in a 22 to 2 decision to eliminate all mention, photographs, and discussion of President Trump from all classrooms teaching grades 1 through 12. Two members voted against the measure, treasurer John Guluv, a parent who formerly served as a back-up fluffer for 80’s pop star Amy Grant, and housewife Vee Jagina, a former factory worker who was disabled in the late 1990’s by a bowling ball landslide incident.
The proposal was put forth by School Board President Joeseph Barron, who told a gathered assembly of students, parents, and teachers that: “I believe Donald Trump is detrimental to education.” He continued:
“I believe it’s difficult for our students, our children, to concentrate with a photo of America’s least intelligent mistake hanging in a classroom for the opposite of inspiration. Some have privately confided to me that they suffer nightmares of Trump locking them away from their parents in cages or pushing them down and farting violently in their faces. This embarrassing misanthrope has no place in an educational institution, or anywhere near children for that matter. Trump can juggle my nuts. Peace out.”
The ruling is expected to take effect immediately, with many schools already filling trash cans to capacity with photos, drawings, and books mentioning the President in any fashion. Upon hearing the news, the President himself reacted by tweeting something about vape pens being a Clinton plot to devastate America, followed by a 2-hour bath in a wooden barrel filled with prostitute urine.
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