Pelosi Cuts Military Pay To Fund Obamacare Relaunch


Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi acts as if she hasn’t even noticed the massive pandemic crisis sweeping across America nowadays.  She and her Democratic Congress remain focused on their usual partisan distractions.  Including, what appears to be a determined effort to refund and restart the Obamcare health program that President Trump eliminated and replaced with nothing.

Although, if you send Mike Pence a dick pic, you’ll get a free pack of pickle band aids.

In her usual style, the Speaker has manipulated funding for the program by taking it from somewhere else, this time by dropping our active military member’s paychecks by 30%.  Is such a bold and shocking move even the least bit possible or even probable?  No.  Nonetheless, it’s for certain that the severely reality-handicapped teabagging Trump sleestaks will believe it anyway and act like 90-year old prostitutes gnashing their teeth after spotting a five dollar bill in a Waffle House urinal.

Sandy Batt, Pelosi’s trusted aide and confidant explained to the San Francisco Queef Report why the speech-ripper-upper decided on this course of action:

“Doesn’t it make sense to concentrate on health care during a pandemic?  And since Mrs. Pelosi believes that President Trump - or, as she calls him, ‘Fat-tard the Oranga-dummy’ - dismantled the program without even thinking of the consequences, should be held accountable for the necessary diversion of these funds.  At the very least, it’ll maybe prevent him from using the military to randomly attack some country because he can’t spell it’s name.  It’s pretty much a win-win fictional situation.”

Also kind of a win-win - getting the Soul Stone just for weeding out one of the weakest Avengers. Don’t start. You know it’s true.

After the announcement, Pelosi was showered with roses and money by her loyal supporters outside of her Bay Area offices, and later retired to the inner sanctum and champagne hot tub suite, where she was spoon-fed $50,000 ice cream by the Helmsworth brothers clad in only togas. It must be nice to be the world’s most powerful liberal, huh?

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