Al Gore Warns If Trump Wins, Earth Has Two Years Left


With everything going on, it’s easy to focus on the election and the attempt to cheat by abusing power to hobble the post office and the ongoing fight against the Trump Plague.  However, Al Gore took some time during the Democratic national convention this week to warn against America neglecting the environmental crisis.

We’ve also been ignoring Shia LeBouf and that’s gonna end up costing some poor rehab center a lot of bedsheets.

As the poster child for the Green movement, Gore has continued to champion the cause, giving speeches around the world, working with scientists and climate engineers.  All of this has managed to make him, unbelievably, even more boring than he started as, and that’s a real trick.

Sandra Batt, a Democratic superdelagate who managed to stay awake for nearly two and a half minutes of Gore’s address described the feeling of the room.

“When he began to speak, literally, two of my teeth fell out from the sheer monotonous vibrations of his voice.  I heard the word “carbon”, and started thinking about that show on Netflix, ‘Altered Carbon’.  It was boring too.  But that made me think about ‘Wentworth’ which is a really good Netflix show and I forgot, I haven’t binged the latest season yet.  I forgot about that old lady that was a rebellious nun.  Hey, do nuns have closets?  I mean, why?  They only have that one outfit.  This is kind of what I think of to save myself from hearing Al Gore moaning about snow bears or farting buffalos or some shit.  Anyway, he talked forever.  I think two generations of children were born in the crowd while he was going on and on about beetle migrations.”

Al Gore is basically the Frasier Crane of Democrats.

Dull or not, Gore made a case for desperately needed action to save the planet, what with America having a President who thinks divorcing a wife and boning someone else is “recycling”.  Will Mother Earth survive another four years of Donald Trump? Probably not.

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