Pelosi Will Sign Stimulus in Exchange for Full Gun Ban


Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has done it again.  It’s been quite some time since she offered to release funding to President Trump for the construction of his big beautiful wall in exchange for a full gun ban, an absolutely silly and both legally and physically impossible story nevertheless believed by millions, yes, millions of Trump supporting toe-counting jackasses.  Now, the most powerful woman in America is fictionally doing it again, this time, offering to approve Trump’s economic bailout in exchange for banning every firearm in the country, which, again for the special class, is impossible.

In a related story, cartoon news network Breitbart is reporting that eating Cadbury eggs will make you atheist and gay.

Pelosi has long been the villain in the damaged head of every halfwit who betrayed their country by voting for, and then, jerking off over the world’s biggest and most obvious and unrepenetent professional con man.  Somehow, according to the cult members of the dumbest collection of humanity since the O.J. jury first sat, the senior grandmother has within a short period of time, faked an entire impeachment, stolen billions from Social security at least five times, banished the President from flying, leaving the country, leaving the White House, passing an estimated 14 pieces of legislation, and championing Planned Parenthood and abortion nearly every waking minute.  That’s some busy work, right there.  Trumpers literally make Stimpy look like Steven Hawking.

A real tale though, is that Trump appointed Ken Cuccinelli to run Homeland Security after he tried to ban oral sex in Virginia. No, really. Look it up.

At any rate, let’s just go on with the sordid tale.  Pelosi, in a meeting of Congress with the President that took place inside a broom closet at at St. Eligius Hospital, (A pop-culture reference to television series “St. Elsewhere”, which also means the meeting itself was all in the imagination of an autistic child), told Mr. Trump that the price for sending out checks to American citizens would be the permanent grabbage of every pistol, rifle, assault weapon, grenade, BB and airsoft gun, phaser, blaster, Klingon Baclaw, sonic screwdriver, krull, wave motion gun, razor-brimmed fedora, repulsor ray generator, +2-damage magic sword, and Genesis device in private hands.  All of these weapons will be destroyed by Mike Pence’s secret army of Albino clones.

Will Pelosi get away with this nefarious update of her previous viral villainy?  Only the nation’s most gullible Depends hoarders will determine if that lightning will strike twice.

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