As the giant hydra-armed machine that is the snarling, lurching Biden campaign lumbers on towards the 2020 election, it has begun to drop all pretense of innocent operation. Holding virtual rallies, releasing a slew of negative ads across the airwaves nationwide, and selling facemasks emblazoned with images of the candidate’s face are just a few of the money-making schemes running for its benefit. But now, Joe Barron, head of the FBI’s Department of Detectivity says they’ve gone too far by accepting a check for thirty-one dollars from the organization called “Antifa.”
The donation, which arrived yesterday at campaign headquarters in Floppyballs, California, was confirmed to have been vetted by interns, and deposited into campaign coffers by Democrat volunteer Calypso Soros, a second cousin of the well-known billionaire. Barron detailed the possible actionable offense:
“Anything from Antifa is blood money, because they have been officially labelled an Anti-American organization by both Trumptards International and Diamond and Silk’s ‘Tents Can Be Clothes’ retail outlet stores. Accepting that money is the same as if you picked up a dollar on the street that a serial killer had dropped two days before. Sure, it seems innocent : but you’re still infected with evil. Biden might as well wear satanic cthulu robes and decapitate a chicken on top of Mother Theresa’s grave for what that thirty one dollars has done to his soul.”
So far, representitives of the Vice President’s campaign haven’t commented on what is sure to become a very serious scandal, but just like his rival Donald Trump, it will bloat and fester until one day it will no doubt explode in some Popeye’s chicken restroom.