Clinton, Romney Join to Sway Senators to Vote to Impeach


As Congress begins grilling the meat in their impeachment sandwich, none other than vanquished presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has taken to the halls of the Senate to help similarly squashed contender Mitt Romney sway crucial senators to vote in favor of the salacious act. Romney already has seven yes votes, and is confident that Clinton can help secure the remaining thirteen necessary to unseat President Trump.

“Hillary is very well-spoken, very influential, and makes a lot of sense with her arguments for why this criminal should be ejected from his position like a watermelon seed from a two-toothed mouth at a Kentucky barbecue. I’m certain that between the two of us, we’ll be able to convince some of the more weary members of the Senate who are sick of listening to Trump’s ridiculous irrational excuses, and tired of playing along with his joke of an administration.”

In his latest Tweet, Trump is now blaming the President of Micronesia for letting Biden’s son steal money from parking meters or something.

Romney is also calling for Trump to be criminally prosecuted after the impeachment process removes him from office, recommending a minimum sentence of 20 years in a federal penitentiary along with being rolled in flour, eggwash, and panko crumbs and lightly seared in a pan until he can be displayed in front of a local Outback Steakhouse as a living advertisement for popular menu item : “The Bloomin’ Onion.”

Such a fate would also legally require Mike Pence to milk himself for the dipping sauce.

White House spokespeople have responded to the pair’s minstrations by packing up their desks, putting all chia-pets up for adoption, and fleeing the area after adjusting their resumes to state that they had been employees of Arbys restaurants for the past three years.

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