If it isn’t one thing, it’s another when you’re the President of the United States. Imagine having to deal with a nationwide health crisis once it’s been properly explained to you after you waved it off as a hoax for three months, and then being hit YET AGAIN with more talk that eggheads think is important for the “safety of humanity” or whatever. Everything you’re imagining is what it’s like to be Donald Trump right now, along with having disorganized and irrational thoughts and urges for Big Macs.
NASA scientists, who represent a liberal collection of elite nerds are hopping up and down, describing something they’ve recently been following through a space telescope. An “asteroid”, or ‘flying rock”, they’re claiming, is on a collision course with our world, and preparations need to be made. It seems as if they don’t trust God almighty to reach down and catch these pebbles for us, which is what always happens. How do they think we’re still here after over 2000 years?
Most of the warnings are clogging up the President’s PDB, or “Presidential Daily Briefing”, an everyday delivery during breakfast, similar to junk mail, which President Trump usually skims and ignores. But as the celestial snot-rocket gets closer, NASA’s biggest and most vocal geekoids are getting more and more triggered, using words like “extinction level event”, and “apocalyptic destruction”. Honestly, these people need to understand that sometimes grown-ups are busy with grown-up things. Maybe mommy should buy them some more Hot Pockets and tell them to clean their rooms in the basement.
At any rate, the President has promised to have someone keep an eye on the so-called “impending doom” situation, hinting that perhaps this could be a project to keep Jared busy so he’ll stop installing Skype on all the White House computers to chat with foreign friends about “how awesome our nuclear blueprints are.” I mean, it’s not like he has nothing to do. Don’t forget: we have a wall to build.