Rubio Joins List of Biden Backers


It’s been quite some time since Donald Trump left “little” Marco Rubio in the dust for the race for President, but it seems the diminutive Senorida from Florida hasn’t managed to forgive and forget.  The senator has made public his intention to support Democrat Joe Biden for the 2020 election, following the lead of a host of other flipping republicans like General Mad Dog Mattis, General Colin Powell, Condoleezza Rice, and bowel movement spokesperson and X-man Kelsey Grammar.

“No, line one, I wasn’t the ‘sexy one with the eye lasers’. Wait a minute…is this Hugh Jackman?”

Rubio insists he is far from “traitorous” and doesn’t consider himself any kind of “turncoat” to his party.  In fact, according to Rubio’s enchilada folder Joe Barron, the senator views his judgement as the saving grace of the American people :

“Donald Trump was an obvious joke right from the start with his kindergarten nicknames and first grade education.  Mr. Rubio doesn’t intend to let the stupidest example of teabagger dipshittery continue to destroy the country in order to satisfy a few thousand tri-toothed old walking fungus colonies.  He’ll be behind Biden all the way.  And he’s going to do his best to take Florida with him, even if it is America’s limp penis on the national map.”

Yeah, Oklahoma, just pretend we can’t all see you bending Texas over the kitchen table like a filthy whore.

With the list of Republican backers growing for candidate Biden, GOP officials are beginning to worry.  Insiders say that top operatives have been desperately reaching out to other party voices to publicly support Trump, and are only turning up washed-out nobodies like Mike Huckabee, John Voigt, and that Indian guy Bobby Jindahl that nobody remembers ran for about six minutes to get a free trip to Washington and a Sarah Palin ballpoint pen that strips her naked when you turn it upside down.  We’ll just have to hope the impeached President has a few extra to hand out in exchange for a good word.

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