Impeachment Trial Protester Hospitalized After ‘Resisting Arrest’

It was a jarring moment that roused cheers from loyal Trump supporters across America : During the impeachment trial proceedings against President Trump on Wednesday, a sole protester bravely broke into the chambers of the Senate and demanded that the trial be ended.  He then shouted that Chuck Schumer was the devil, garbled the words “abortion” and “Jesus Christ”, and was immediately jumped by Capitol security.  It was a stunning and not-at-all batsh*t addition to the proceedings, but what the lamestream media isn’t covering is what happened next.

Right now, the patriot, identified as one Rives Grogan, a professional protester and hysterical town lunatic, is currently in serious condition at Her Lady of Perpetual Constipation Hospital in Washington D.C.  Capitol Police spokesman Sgt. Joe Barron explained what happened:

“I and two other officers were alerted to the gentleman’s presence inside the Senate chambers and responded.  He was screaming random words and foaming at the mouth, and we attempted to restrain him.  When he said : ‘abortion’, we concluded that he was a trumptard, and punched him in his face and midsection approximately fourteen times.  When he attempted to resist by tilting his head upwards to look at us, officer Pemberton tasered him in the armpit at full charge, and then beat him about the head and neck with a frozen can of Mountain Dew, which he carries for this exact purpose.  Because the gentleman was still nearly conscious, officer Cipowitz then used a nearby garbage can lid to repeatedly bludgeon the suspect’s crotch and penile area until all outward bodily activity ceased.  It was all by the book.  If you don’t want to end up in the hospital, don’t break the law, trumptard.”

Grogan has not yet sought an attorney, but visiting press believe he may intend to sue the department after making the following statement:

“Snshhh issh pleece utshalishty.  Shamortion.  Forf Frimeshter.”

Was this an incident of a mentally unstable nutjob, of course a Trump, going bonkers and getting himself arrested?  Or is Grogan merely a patriot who’s had enough?  We’ll follow this story as it develops.