Ocasio-Cortez Bill Forbids Male Lawmakers From Writing Abortion Law

TIME TO STAND UP PEOPLE!

The youngest member of Congress is at it again.  This time she’s taking up the “Pro-Choice” so-called women’s rights mantle by crafting House Bill NCC-1701 which forbids the writing of any law or statute affecting the regulation of abortion by any male lawmaker.  As the bill is quickly gaining popularity in the Democratically-controlled body, the little socialist sister gave a statement to a reporter from the Washington Queef-Times explaining her reasoning :

“It’s like…men, right?  They SO can’t get pregnant, you know?  They don’t know what it feels like, or what’s going through a woman’s head or what’s happening to their body and stuff?  So I don’t see why they should have any say in what a woman does, medically or personally.  Abortion is between a woman, her doctor, and God, and that’s all there is to it.  None of these old white pretend Bible-thumpers need to have anything to do with it.  It’s a new world.  They can’t control women any longer.  I’m just keeping it a hunny per.  You GO girls!”

Cortez then broke away from the interview to sprint into a nearby Forever 21 outlet where there was a giant sale on nail art.

“OHMIGOD THE NEW PIKACHU ONES ARE IN THAT IS SO DELISH!”

James Dobson, evangelical founder of the group Focus on the Family, which has in the past, complained about a gay teletubby, boycotted WalMart and Disney, and pretended to take Kirk Cameron seriously, gave a rebuttal to the bill on his radio show that nobody who has more than one tooth listens to :

“This woman is just pure unGodly spawn of Satan, is what she is.  Even when there is one cell of something, it is a baby.  And killing that baby cell is murder, no two ways about it.  It’s right there in the Bible.  Cells are babies, it says, blessed by God and Jaysis.  We will resist her and her kind until every woman is forced by God’s hand to have a child.  And then they will do housework and remain quiet.  So sayeth the Lord, and so goeth I!  Someone bring me a young boy.  Don’t write that part down.”

Dobson has only had sexual relations with his wife once, through a sheet, both wearing hazmat suits, and in front of his local congregation during mass.

Whether or not the bill passes, and it assuredly will through Congress, it certainly opens a new can of worms for America – and possibly serves as the front line in a new War of the Sexes.

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