Is it a day of the week ending in “Y”? That means the Democrat’s own Dora the Congressplorer, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, has had another one of her brilliant socialist ideas. This time around, the Littlest Gangstress is floating a plan to have anyone with twice her age and experience be required to undergo an extensive optical exam before they are legally allowed to carry or own a firearm.
Known as : “The Magoo Initiative”, HB 1138 aims to prevent older citizens who may have deteriorating eyesight and/or judgement from “causing injury, damage, or loss of life” due to their condition. The bill stipulates that in addition to the usual background check, anyone aged 50 or more will be required to show proof of an eye examination within the previous 3 months. Failure to do so can result in refusal to sell, getting pushed into a Rubbermaid garbage can and rolled into the intake vat of a sewage processing plant, or the having of one’s pants pulled off so that onlookers can pelt the buyer’s genetalia with firecrackers and coffee mugs.
Cortez told the Washington Times-Queefer that her proposal could save countless American lives :
“It’s like, old people, okay? They drive like, really slow in front of you, and they smell like Elmers glue all the time, and a lot of them voted for Trump. These grampas and grammas can’t be trusted with a gun. They might like, shoot at a Forever 21 store because they don’t fit in anything. That’s totes my FAVE store. Let’s go to the mall!”
Congress is scheduled to vote on the bill sometime next week, and rumor has it that it’s found support in the Senate. So if you’re a mature second-amendment fan, you better beat Punky Brewster there to the mall and head straight for the Lenscrafters.