Trump Tweets ‘Adderall Will Cure It’ 38 Times From Denny’s Bathroom


One thing for sure is that our President, Donald Jellico Trump, loves his Twitter account.  Until the social media platform appeared, no other leader was given such a quick and open way to express himself to his people.   And Donald Trump has been nothing if not open.

Yesterday, during a late-night trip with some key allies to a Washington area Danny’s restaurant, Trump took to his phone, and sent out a series of identical tweets with one very insistent message : “Adderall will cure the virus!”  Aides then interrupted the communication storm, as the President had been gone for more than an hour, and was retrieved pasty-faced and egg-eyed from a bathroom stall clutching an empty Ziploc bag and a bent spoon.

Close friend, spokesperson, and current methamphetamine addict Kellyanne Conway spoke to local news teams about the incident:

“It’s just - It’s just he’s a really smart guy, you know?  You - because - if - if - because adderall, it’s new like - information, okay?  It cures the uh - that thing.  He’s super stoked about it is what.  Is what it is.  We’ve all been there, right?  You like - have a few hits - of - like, Presdust - that’s what he calls it - and it really just - just - fixes it all.  So why not the, whatever it’s called - virus thing.  Too?  You can’t say it doesn’t.  You can’t.  Try it.  You can’t. “

“Please don’t ask me if I blew him please don’t ask me if I blew him please don’t ask me if I blew him…”

While this wasn’t the first, nor the second, third, or even fourth time the President has barricaded himself in a small area to emerge much later in a dazed state, it does mark the only time he’s been recovered fully-clothed and conscious.  Has he finally found the miracle cure we’ve been dreaming of?  Or was his dealer having a Mother’s Day sale?

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