One thing for sure is that our President, Donald Jellico Trump, loves his Twitter account. Until the social media platform appeared, no other leader was given such a quick and open way to express himself to his people. And Donald Trump has been nothing if not open.
Yesterday, during a late-night trip with some key allies to a Washington area Danny’s restaurant, Trump took to his phone, and sent out a series of identical tweets with one very insistent message : “Adderall will cure the virus!” Aides then interrupted the communication storm, as the President had been gone for more than an hour, and was retrieved pasty-faced and egg-eyed from a bathroom stall clutching an empty Ziploc bag and a bent spoon.
Close friend, spokesperson, and current methamphetamine addict Kellyanne Conway spoke to local news teams about the incident:
“It’s just - It’s just he’s a really smart guy, you know? You - because - if - if - because adderall, it’s new like - information, okay? It cures the uh - that thing. He’s super stoked about it is what. Is what it is. We’ve all been there, right? You like - have a few hits - of - like, Presdust - that’s what he calls it - and it really just - just - fixes it all. So why not the, whatever it’s called - virus thing. Too? You can’t say it doesn’t. You can’t. Try it. You can’t. “
While this wasn’t the first, nor the second, third, or even fourth time the President has barricaded himself in a small area to emerge much later in a dazed state, it does mark the only time he’s been recovered fully-clothed and conscious. Has he finally found the miracle cure we’ve been dreaming of? Or was his dealer having a Mother’s Day sale?