Nancy Pelosi Caught On Hot Mic Drunk As A Skunk And Finally Telling the Truth

Speaker of the House and raging alcoholic, Nancy Pelosi, was caught on a hot mic the other day, finally telling the truth about herself and her party.

After having more than 11 drinks at Paddy’s Irish Lounge in Downtown Chesterwood, California, Pelosi was recorded by a bystander who recognized her as she went off on the drunken tirade.

The woman who provided us with the recording, who wishes to remain anonymous, says she was stunned to hear what Pelosi had to say:

“She was very candid. She was insulting people in her own party and making fun of Trump at the same time. She said that she thinks Anthoiny Weiner is a jerk and that she’ll personally see to it that Bill Clinton is prosecuted if he has ties to Epstein.

“She also made fun of Chuck Schumer, calling him a pansy for passing out after his third Jaeger Bomb. By the end of the night, she was the only one standing, so she finally stopped trashing people and started doing solo karaoke for an empty room.

“Her rendition of ‘It’s Not Unusual’ was terrifying.”

Pelosi’s security staff warned the woman that leaking the recording is a violation of federal law and scared her into keeping it from news outlets like CNN and MSNBC, but Fox News and OANN are currently deliberating if the risk is worth it.

As for us, we’ve decided that the recording, while valuable for its content, isn’t that important to presenting the story. Our readers know Nancy Pelosi well, and while they tend to get most of their facts from fiction, they also get one right every so often.

Pelosi’s lawyers have already threatened us for considering telling the story at all, but we’re not afraid. We’re Americans, and unless it’s about our great president doing illegal or immoral things, we’re willing to present any and all evidence that Pelosi’s fictional alcoholism is real whenever we see fit.

God Bless America, patriots. And God bless you.

About Flagg Eagleton 88 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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