Redskins Unveil New Name And Liberals Hate It

The Washington Redskins are no more. Early this morning, before the crowds of protesters could arrive, the team officially dropped the moniker and began its new life…as someone else.

After nearly 100 years of playing football with a proud tradition that celebrated native Americans, they finally gave in to fear. They caved to the hype. They allowed cancel culture to cancel their very being.

And for what? Sure, that name was a bad stereotype and a bit racist, but this is America. Lots of things have changed over the past 100 years, and while we may still cling to things that sound and look demeaning to other cultures, it’s our heritage we’re trying to protect.

Let’s start with the fact that none of the Redskins were actually red-skinned. That means a lot. Had one been an Indian, they’d be the target of jokes. Since they’re not, there’s no harm, so no foul.

Then consider that there are other teams out there, like the Indians, who have logos far more demeaning than the Washington helmets. The man on their helmets looks very serious and respectable.

Kansas City’s team doesn’t even make sense. You can’t have more than one chief on a team, or maybe they’ve just never heard the term “too many chiefs, not enough Indians.”

The team floated many names in the past week, trying to come up with one that would only be offensive to white people. Apparently, that’s okay in today’s America.

It looks like they’ve settled, with our sources telling us the new name will be released sometime before the 2021-2022 season. Team Spokesman, Art Tubolls, said they’re going with an interim team for now, so the nation’s people of color can have a turn marginalizing someone:

“We’re going with ‘The Capital Crackers’ until we can rebrand the entire organization, which will take the better part of the year. At that time, we’ll announce the permanent name.”

The final helmet design is a solid white field with a single saltine in the middle. The team captains, however, will wear special commemorative helmets.

Liberals are already saying that the name is just as offensive, and that nobody should be marginalizing anyone.

They’re never happy. Tell that to Antifa, liberals.

About Flagg Eagleton 78 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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