Bob Dole Donating All Pineapple Profits to Trump

Little Nicky's Pineapple Punishment

Well, this shouldn’t be much of a surprise, as Bob Dole has always been a true patriot. From the moment he was born, he was a red-blooded patriotic American. They just don’t make them quite like that anymore.

These Millenials could certainly learn a thing or two about what it means to love your country from him.

Dole has announced that through this crisis, they will be donating all of the profits from pineapple sales to Donald Trump as he navigates through this national emergency. While eating cookies and sipping on Dole Pineapple Juice from his Kansas home, he said, “we must support our wartime president at this time of great need in our country. We felt the pineapple profits would help him the most.”

How ’bout that. All them pineapples, sold for Donald J. Trump. It’s the American thing to do. It took a war hero like Bob Dole to make it happen.

From his Idaho ranch, Dole Potato Farmer Art Tubolls had this to say:

“We were really hoping to donate our profits from potato sales. However, we experienced a small potato faminie earlier this year. The next time we have a bumper crop of taters, it’s on like Donkey Kong. For now, the pineapples will have to do.”

Next time, Art. Next time. We will be rooting for a bumper crop of taters — victory gardens full of nothing but potatoes and pineapples. What a sight that would be!

Thank you for your service, Mr. Dole. Americans salute you for your service and your delicious pineapples.

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