President Trump Signs Order Allowing Armed Citizens To Retake America’s Worst Cities

President Trump took unprecedented action today, signing an executive order that allows armed American citizens to take to the streets to protect the worst of America’s cities.

According to our source inside the West Wing, Trump is tired of the violence and intimidation tactics not working, so he wants to increase the pressure:

“President Trump thinks if we kneel on the necks of these protesters just a little bit harder, that we’ll see real change. Not in the way the people want, but in the way Trump’s followers want, which is all that really matters to true, patriotic Americans.”

The order doesn’t specify which cities the armed citizens would be allowed to patrol. We contacted the leader of the Three Percenters, Art Tubolls, and he told us that they already had a plan in place:

“We intend to keep showing up between 30 and 50 miles away from where the protests are happening to make sure they don’t spread to the places we actually care about. We thought about going into places like Chicago, New York, and LA, but we typically get our asses kicked when we leave our comfort zone.

“Rural America is in danger, and we’ll stand in front of Walgreen’s for days to make sure none of them Antifas show up here.”

That’s a smart move. The leader of the US Antifa movement, Joe Barron, insulted the good patriots who are willing to risk their lives:

“So a handful of armed shmucks are gonna keep showing up in their little rural town to intimidate the few people there standing up for the right to not be murdered by police? Why should today be any different.

“These imbeciles are cowardly morons. More power to them.”

The president’s order is most likely not exactly legal by most standards, but that doesn’t matter. it will remain in effect until some liberal court shuts it down.

Until then, your local liquor store is safe. God Bless President Trump!

About Flagg Eagleton 78 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

Be the first to comment