This September 11th marks the eight-year anniversary of the terrorist attack on the United States embassy in Benghazi, Libya, and Hillary Clinton thinks it’s finally time for America to hear the “real story” from the perspective of someone who lived through it. Her.
The book, to be released this weekend, is titled : “Oopsie Daisy”, and will supposedly offer a scene by scene description of the event from Clinton’s perspective as Secretary of State, as well as input and feature commentary from other witnesses like Barack and Michelle Obama, Chelsea Clinton, and former Fox News testicle polisher Joe Barron. It has already pre-sold millions of copies and caused thousands of trump-supporter heart attacks, although medical experts cite swallowing bags of methamphetamine as a major factor.
Clinton contends that the true record of the tragic events of the day have been greatly distorted by conservative news outlets and completely irrational dumbasses on social media pages who see conspiracy theories that don’t make any sense in everything. She proposes to bring reality to the case and dispel the “ridiculous nonsense that Trump’s cesspool of brainless twats” believe as gospel.
“The fictional ‘stand down order’, for one thing, never existed. Fox News ADMITTED to inventing it. You’d know that if you understood that the office of Secretary of State doesn’t even have the authority to mobilize the military. We responded to news of the event immediately because the racist right-wing YouTube video they all love to dismiss DID actually inflame protests and those protests provided cover for the terrorist incursions. Now doesn’t that real-world explanation sound a lot more likely than Barack and I being possessed by demons and risking scandal by purposely abandoning Americans in mortal danger? Yes it does. It probably won’t help with these trumptards though. They’re dumber than a bag of dildoes with dead batteries.”
The book is already topping Amazon’s wait list, and each copy sold will send a portion of proceeds to mental health research for Republican cult victims.