The Clinton Compound in West Asburgonia, Arkansas today was a clamoring scene of frantic activity as emergency services rushed to transport former Secretary of State, first lady, and presidential candidate Hillary Clinton to the nearest hospital equipped for fleshular disease treatment at around 11:20 a.m. Ambulatory technicians arriving on site described Mrs. Clinton as “visibly physically scarred and unresponsive.”
The 72-year old grandmother contracted the terrible fictitious disorder from viewing the popular HBO drama series “Game of Thrones”, and experts believe she may have replayed several scenes with stricken character “Jorah” a number of times, allowing the syndrome to pass through the television screen in either a “Poltergeist” or “Little-girl-from-The-Ring” fashion, where it settled, causing her skin to break out into the deadly rash.
Joe Barron of the Center For Potato Care in Queefington, Atlanta explained the danger that everyone’s favorite email butterer may be in.
“I’m not really sure, to be honest. I didn’t watch Game of Thrones. I know it has something to do with scales. She’s probably looking a lot like a Sleestak right now. Those things gave me nightmares when I was a kid. I just hope when this story comes out we don’t end up seeing too many pretend-Christian trumptards cheering for someone with a terrible affliction. I’m sure that’s going to be the case, though. They’re convinced Hillary is some kind of super rich assassination ninja who eats children with Tom Hanks and has cameras everywhere. They’re not real bright people. If I was hit by a car, and needed someone to call for help, and my choices were a man with no fingers and a trumptard, I’d try real hard to help the guy untie his shoes.”
Clinton is currently in the privileged ward of St. DustyNuts Hospital where insiders say doctors have given her a 50/50 chance of pulling through. But there’s only a 5% chance of that.