Pentagon Approves New Tactical Helmets With Pro-America Message

The Pentagon has decided to approve a new design on tactical helmets that will make our country proud and make our servicemen proud to wear them. The “Make America Great Again” helmet, inspired by President Trump and the patriot movement, is already being sent out to soldiers in the field.

Brigadier General Art Tubolls, who commands the 4th Division mobile infantry Rascal Force, says the helmets will make soldiers in the field feel closer to their home and their leadership:

“These helmets are the best addition to our military in decades. Democrats decided long ago that personal messages on helmets was a bad thing, so we had to remove ‘God Bless America’ from our helmets and uniforms. This message, however, isn’t about religion at all, so good luck making us remove it.”

President Trump is excited to see the new helmets rolled out, citing his own brilliant campaign slogan as the catalyst that brought the military together with such an amazing statement:

“As I’ve said, I have the best words. Those words are mine. Never in the history of the US has a President said better words that meant so much to so many. There are people lined up outside and they are they say they will they want to thank me and they are grateful that I have saved this country and we’re looking at that very seriously.”

The helmets will be made available to all soldiers, but they aren’t going to be required. Anyone wanting a MAGA helmet can certainly have one, however. All they have to do is ask.

The Congressional Budget Office says the administration is offsetting the costs of the helmet by charging those who want one a small one-time fee. The Trump campaign is also lowering the royalties for using his slogan by 12 percent.

That’s patriotism, folks. God Bless America.

About Flagg Eagleton 78 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

Be the first to comment