Study Finds Conservatives Are NOT The Ones Fooled By Fake News

There’s a lot of talk in liberal circles about how easily conservatives are “fooled” by fake news. According to them, we fall for any headline, sharing without reading, or reading without comprehending. They’ve built a ridiculous story of the right — the side of truth and morals — being easily manipulated and willing to shrug off logic and reason if something confirms their bias.

The best case of this lie is the “satire” network called “ALLOD.” Our investigative team has been working feverishly to figure out what it stands for, but so far, all we know is that it’s all a big lie.

According to the guy who runs the network and his actual traffic numbers, more than 10 million people have read and reacted to his fake news stories, believing them to be true no matter how ridiculous they are. He’s convinced that his headlines about Nancy Pelosi being a drunk and Malia Obama being arrested once a week are “fooling” conservatives.

To find the truth, we ventured into conservative groups, where we found no fewer than 40 million people who swear they’ve never been fooled by this guy’s nonsense, and nobody who had believed it. So…how do we explain his numbers?

It’s simple, really. We don’t have to. According to a guy named Scott who says he’s very influential in politics, this scam network has never reached a single conservative:

“I run 300 groups with an average of 15 million people per group, and I’ve never seen one of his links.”

We checked the CrowdTangle numbers on a dozen of the network’s most popular links and found that they are, in fact, posted and embedded in nearly every conservative group on Facebook. But…does that mean we read and believe them? According to the internet’s smartest guy, who we’ll just call Steve, and three of his alt profiles (used to keep his secret identity safe from those who would do him harm), nobody has ever clicked on or read any of those links:

“This is the same guy who said he goated all those pages a few years back, but we know of at least three people who said Nuh uh. Now he wants us to believe that he’s actually fooling the party of facts? No way.”

Scotty the politicalist is convinced that any pageviews these stories get are from liberals pretending to be conservatives, all on the owner’s payroll, He says the best way to combat this nonsense is to post the personal information of as many liberals as possible, because they’re all so embarrassed about the things they post publicly:

“The best way to get to them is to call them fat and ugly. Then, call them failures. Remind them that even though you post all day long and obviously have nothing better to do, you’re a better person with a job who most likely served in the military and hates Obama. Hating Obama gets them every time.”

We weren’t able to reach the guy who runs the network, but we did record a response from him on one of his Facebook posts:

“Neener neener neener!!!”

Real mature. So, in the end, this guy runs a network that doesn’t get any pageviews other than those from liberals, and he’s probably on Soros’ payroll, since we all know websites don’t make money for traffic unless it’s real.

No, Mr. Smartypants Liar. We don’t believe you. We know that Pelosi isn’t really a drunk and that Malia is a model student at Harvard. Michelle Obama isn’t running for Senate as a man, and Henry Winkler is alive and well and still supporting Trump.

Go sell your stuff to someone else.


About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 106 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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